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Yea,
Car Insurance is Sexy...Ask My Girlfriend
I can't
believe that the crappy temporary car insurance that I got
from
here just to hold me over until I got another job
actually helped me get a girlfriend.
I street race, and I'm good, man. But if you street race
then you know how much money has to go under the hood before
your car can even have a real shot at winning. If you don't
street race, then just take my word for it - it's a lot of
money. (Also, if you don't street race, you're pretty lame.
Everybody should street race. Dork.)
So I was about to race one of the top guys in my area and I
know for a fact that he's got over $100,000 under the hood,
so I've got some catching up to do. No problem, but I got
fired from my job for eating the merchandise and I also had
to pay for my cat Mr. Sniggles to go to the vet because she
had been barfing all over the place. She's ok, by the way.
No animals were harmed in the making of this crazy story. So
yeah, something had to give. That something was my car
insurance.
It's stupid to race without car insurance, so I went and
bought the cheapest insurance that I could find before the
race. Of course I didn't read the fine print. I didn't read
any print. You see where this is going, but what I bet you
don't see is how I hooked up with the hottest girl ever
because of it. So stop trying to guess and just let me talk.
So it's the day of the race and what do you know, she's
there. Terri. The hottest babe in our little racing clique.
Five foot 5, long hair, big where she needs to be, super
skinny everywhere else. She's not the smartest girl, but
really, who cares. Life lesson there, girls. He's lying. We
don't care.
I've been trying to get this girl to notice me for the
longest time ever. I win and win and win, and still nothing.
My car's hot, I'm like the most popular guy on my block -
nothing. But I don't stop trying. So she's there and she's
watching. I tip my hat while we're revving up like this is
nothing. Truth is this is the toughest guy I've ever raced.
Whatever. Shirt falls and off we go.
I must have been more shook about Terri than I thought
because I miss my shift into second, grind my gears around a
curve, and in trying to accelerate to catch up, sling my car
right into a dumpster, scratching up the side. I'm
devastated, not at the loss, because at least I look cool
doing it. But my car, man...my car! I call up the insurance
company and they just laugh at me. They're not fixing a damn
thing.
So a week after I see Terri in my still busted, unfixed car
and she flags me down. I stop and she JUMPS in. What?
Turns out she gets turned on for scars because her old man
was military. She hates perfect guys because she thinks
they're all punks. When I scratched my car, it showed her I
didn't care about all that outside stuff. I'm still dating
her to this day.
So yeah. Thanks for being the worst insurance company ever.
My life rocks!
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